Infant wrappings in yellow

or pink, to catholic schoolgirl

in tunic and stockings

Promoted to skirt

no shorter than thigh

no longer than knee

Resenting the bra

(my friends didn’t wear one)

Sports days, the best days

no fun playing handball

whilst acting the lady

Pinned and sprayed, waist-long

locks, heels and gown

cover me with makeup

Smile at the stranger

it’s the last time

No school, no parents

and shorts galore

no need to shave legs

that’s what pants are for

Soft snug sports bras

versus sweaty tight binders

boy legged undies

no feminine reminders

Cheap rush of kids clothes

and saving on sports gear

my new suit and bowtie

felt so handsome that year

First daggy barber cut

number three all over

Promoted to masculinity

too small for men’s

too big for boys’

Hang right for the children’s section

if a 6 in women’s, a 12, 14? In kids’?

Loitering uneasily among underwear

a legal shoplifter

eyeing the wares

Swallow the shame

envy, yearning

unworthy, undeserving,

feeling lesser somehow

Embarrassment for wanting

such simple things

Yes! A button-up, that fits

my 6ft height and 32” chest?

But wait, what’s that?

kids don’t have shoulders yet?

Ill-fitting boys suit with

too big dress shoes

or unaffordable tailored dream

with clunky schoolboy shoes

98 steps to the dresses and skirts

where hips are too wide

and pockets too shallow

My single source of work

pants, always too long

The cloth may fit but curves

I don’t have, my body is straight

disparate to my thoughts

Backtrack to the candy shop

hoping somehow since last time

I’ve grown or the elusive

mysterious XS has appeared

Longing for masculine jocks

socks and tees, swamping

pyjamas, belts and ties

Men’s, large array of sexy shoes

(alas too large)

Trek next to women’s

where the joggers are pink

or the joggers are purple

Children’s shoes, cute and sparkly

in dinosaur patterns or velcro straps

More than one gender

they say, not knowing

the third already determined as child

Ancient, nameless

disquiet of wrong

Forbidden, terrifying

discovery of new

Resentment of reality

(oppression of binary)

When the world is so rigid

but your mind, finally free