I acknowledge with gratitude the privilege of living in Darkinjung country and honour elders past, present and emerging. [-O-] (editor’s note: Aboriginal Flag Emoji.)

The 1990 Queer Nation Manifesto and Christmas in Purgatory from the late 1960s gave me an insight and a framework to focus my grief at the way we can force people to live on the edges of society. That group include gender and sexually diverse peoples, Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander peoples and Muslim brothers and sisters.

I used to march in the streets. Eventually, that felt oppressive and ineffectual. I decided to volunteer my time and be active in that way; Yabun, Hunter Gender Alliance Conference, Central Coast Pride, Coastal Twist, Central Coast Islamic Cultural Centre, Multicultural Eid Festival & Fair, and BlaQ Aboriginal Corporation, amongst others.  It was immensely moving to see the excited faces of the kids at the Hunter Gender Alliance Our Lives Conference as they found their true peers, their people.  Some kids walked in, eyes to the ground, obviously nervous. By the first break, they were excited and engaged, talking and being kids with a new friend.  A rural mother choked us all up with the description of helping a trans child through a system that encouraged punishment and coercion to ‘fix’ the child.  The mother’s story of the child’s self-harm through to a fulfilled adult life lifted the room.

Before the Our Lives Conference, if asked I would have replied that cisgender was a parasitic species from Dr Who.

I am an LGBTQI+ Ally.  I also identify as Queer to my trusted circle. Most of my family thought I was Gay growing up.  My big brother was always (it seemed that way) on about me going ‘camping’ with my mates.  What he didn’t know was that the group I mostly hung around with at high school were the kids on the edge of the school community. The ones thought of as a bit strange: too nerdy, too soft, didn’t like sport, too arty.  Some of those boys are Gay. It didn’t mean a thing to me at the time; we were all good friends accepting of each other.  

One boy I remember was in a bad place. His dad drove a Council garbage truck and was a typical ‘bloke’ of the 1970s.  One night when I was sleeping over, his dad burst into his room, demanding to know what we were doing.  We were lying in the dark talking. He was very frightened of his dad.  I can’t remember that boy’s name. I hope he is OK today.

I met my beloved wife, Kate, at university.  The teacher told her that there were two boys in the class, and both are Gay.  It took Kate almost a year to work out that I was cisgender and attracted to women.  The other guy in the class, Robby, and I were best friends; we would meet up often and sit in class together.  I thought Kate was gorgeous, funny and smart, but alas, she wasn’t interested in gawky me.

I have two much-loved sisters-in-law who identify as Lesbian.  Two close friends are 78ers. One, David, celebrated his 80th birthday in April 2019.  I went to the party and left early. I am not much of a party person. Bliss to me is lying on the bed with the blinds drawn reading a book or the New Yorker. I did enjoy catching up with David and his partner David and talking with a lovely young man about his urban exploration of abandoned buildings, including the old Sydney Morgue. 

There are moments in life when you suddenly understand something about yourself. Gosford Anglican Church under the leadership of Father Rod Bower and Father Don Saines has provided me with a space for spiritual refreshment and comfort. Gosford Anglican Church is truly “forming community by building and nurturing relationships through a shared personal faith connection, navigating the tension between tradition and transformation”. Fr. Rod talks passionately about the Dominant System and its impact on our lives.

I love my paid work, helping deliver the best client experience by helping our staff and volunteers to be their best version of themselves. My passion is for people and culture in the community sector. I am where I want to be, doing what I want to do. I am very very lucky.

Social justice recognises that there are situations where the application of the same rules to unequal groups can generate unequal results. Social justice provides me with a robust and rational framework to assess the impact of my practice, what I do, every day. It is about all people receiving a fair go in relation to their circumstances. Without it, I would struggle to understand why I do the work that I do. 

It is a bit like holding a belief in a God. It is inconceivable to not believe in a God: and to believe is impossible.

My paid work is at ADSSI Limited, a not-for-profit that provides a range of services to enable people to continue to live independently in the community across the Central Coast and the Hunter (Adssi In-home Support, Maitland Community Care Services and Beresfield Community Care). The primary purpose is to make a difference in the lives of people in our community, particularly frail aged people, people living with disabilities and dementia, their carers and others who may be disadvantaged. 

The beautiful thing is the ripples of diversity that my work can create. I am privileged to work in an organisation where my values match those of my employer. 

ADSSI has a ‘live’ Reconciliation Action Plan. In 2018 a staff member mentioned that it would be great to have a similar program for LGBTIQ peoples. The CEO become an enthusiastic executive sponsor, and the Board gave immediate approval for an expanded diversity program. ADSSI joined the ACON Pride in Health + Wellbeing program and Welcome Here. An action plan provided a timeframe for change. In 2019 ADSSI tripled the positive indicators in the Health + Wellbeing Equality Index and the Australian Workplace Equality Index on the 2018 results.  Our ranking jumped to Gold in 2020 from Bronze in 2019, bypassing Silver.

The road was bumpy; an ACON speaker, Ryan, was ‘heckled’ at the 2019 staff and volunteer conference.  Ryan responded with good humour and an assertive narrative on why this work is essential.  The entire audience stood and gave Ryan a standing ovation.  Sitting at the back, I cried with relief; we had come a long way in a short time. Staff and Volunteers later gathered around Ryan sharing their story and that of friends and family.  A long-term client, having read our Facebook posts and newsletters, revealed their trans status to a worker. This information allowed us to provide a more holistic service to this person. An LGBT service referred a client to Maitland Community Care Services. A worker revealed that a client ‘came out’ to them before this work and asked that it be kept secret; that client is now happy to be ‘out’ to all ADSSI staff. The ADSSI Coastal Twist shuttle bus was given a lot of ‘thumbs up’ from pedestrians. I and others now bring our entire selves to our work. We are now helping staff understand how to be an Ally and what it means to be an Ally. 

After 60+ times around the sun I am in a good place spiritually, emotionally and physically. I am doing my best to be a good ancestor, remembering my initial sparks of insight from Queer Nation and Christmas in Purgatory.